Holy Humor, some old some new...:-)
Posted: Fri Jun 02, 2017 6:15 am
Holy Humor, some old some new...
During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember these
four great religious truths:
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People.
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian
world.
4. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.
GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked
the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and
bleeding, what would you do ?"
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw
up."
DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of
fishing when he was on the Ark ?"
"No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms."
THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted
passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to
learn the chapter. Little Tommy was excited about the task - but he just
couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get
past the first line.
On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation,
Tommy was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the
microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I
need to know."
UNANSWERED PRAYER
The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his
head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why.
"Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. "I'm
asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."
"How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.
BEING THANKFUL
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you
each night ? That's very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy
replied, "Thank God he's in bed !"
ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member,
every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks,
after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, " And all girls."
This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got
the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why do you always add the part
about all girls ?"
Her response, "Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying 'All Men'!"
SAY A PRAYER
Little Tommy and his family were having Sunday dinner at his
Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food
was being served. When Little Tommy received his plate, he started
eating right away. "Tommy! Please wait until we say our prayer." said
his mother.
"I don't need to," the boy replied.
"Of course, you do" his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before
eating at our house"
"That's at our house." Tommy explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how
to cook."
During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember these
four great religious truths:
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People.
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian
world.
4. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.
GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked
the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and
bleeding, what would you do ?"
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw
up."
DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of
fishing when he was on the Ark ?"
"No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms."
THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted
passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to
learn the chapter. Little Tommy was excited about the task - but he just
couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get
past the first line.
On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation,
Tommy was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the
microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I
need to know."
UNANSWERED PRAYER
The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his
head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why.
"Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. "I'm
asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."
"How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.
BEING THANKFUL
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you
each night ? That's very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy
replied, "Thank God he's in bed !"
ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member,
every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks,
after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, " And all girls."
This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got
the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why do you always add the part
about all girls ?"
Her response, "Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying 'All Men'!"
SAY A PRAYER
Little Tommy and his family were having Sunday dinner at his
Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food
was being served. When Little Tommy received his plate, he started
eating right away. "Tommy! Please wait until we say our prayer." said
his mother.
"I don't need to," the boy replied.
"Of course, you do" his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before
eating at our house"
"That's at our house." Tommy explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how
to cook."