The time has come to accept the ashes home of my beloved mate. We had donated his body to science as he had wished. I feel good about that decision. He was always the teacher and that makes me smile. Now it will be the task to lay what is left to rest. I will do this but without the closure some speak of... Lately, I have been getting a lot of people talking about "closure" as if there is a door that can be shut after experiencing a tragedy in our lives and losing a loved one. Friends have started asking "Haven't you reached closure yet?" Or that... "But he would want you to be happy." They just don't get it and I can say for sure that grief cannot be forced or pushed or closed off from our minds. There is no magic formula for working through grief. The fact of the matter is as I have been told that grief must be expressed and dealt with. Books and professional tell us that we all experience and react to loss in different ways depending on the relationship of the deceased to us, our past experiences with loss, and sometimes even our health and emotional state. Grieving for a lost loved one can take years, sometimes a lifetime. Yes happiness will be a state that will be experienced again but in a maybe not at the time some somehow believes it should happen. I am just trying breath through the day and my focus is just the movement and activities that I have to do. That is ok with me because I know that is what my heart can handle right now. That is my happiness that I can feel right now. I am ok. I will learn to run again with the wind beneath my wings all in good time.
However, I am in no hurry to have closure of anything. My thoughts are... "Why would anyone seek closure?" Why would anyone want to close the door on thoughts about a departed loved one? I have been told that grief will soften in the years after a loss, but the door to memories should always be open. So... NO, I have no plans to rid my home of the pictures and cherished things that we shared together. My love for him was a huge part of my life that will always be remembered as I move forward. I am in no hurry for closing anything. Just learning to carry the memories along with life as I make it now. Thanks for listening to my thoughts... God Bless You All.
Read My Daily Musings On Numerous Topics
Especially Riding Motorcycles & Camera Captures
Of My Meanderings...
A while back I was feeling down thinking about my late wife, so I called a wise old friend. She said grief was like being on a raft on the ocean. Sometimes you go a long time with calm seas, then out of nowhere a big wave comes and wipes you out. Grief never really goes away, the waves just seem to get further apart as time goes on.
Life is one heck of a drug. With every high there is a low. For every action there is an equal but opposite reaction. Some times life is the most amazing thing ever. Other times life just sucks.
For the most part it has been quite a ride with wonderful seas until now.
I think we were close as any two people could be and shared most everything together.
There was a huge age difference but we seemed to be more compatible than most.
I guess I have been lucky to have found a person that shared the same love of things and I got to spend 36 year with him.
Now I am feeling a little lost as if I am in that big ocean and not sure where to go all alone.
I guess I will just keep paddling until I see someplace to head for and hope the big waves are kept at bay.
Read My Daily Musings On Numerous Topics
Especially Riding Motorcycles & Camera Captures
Of My Meanderings...
