When a relative dies?

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BlacktopTravelr
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When a relative dies?

Post by BlacktopTravelr »

Do you get told about it? When my uncle died I wasn't told about it until the day of the funeral. I also just ran across a notice on the internet about a cousin that died back in 2014. She lived in my home town and both her dad and her were considered as close relatives. I know why my mother never told me but she died in 2010 so my sisters should have told me about the cousin. Unless it was because they were still mad at me for other things in life that I can't talk about on here. I've had plenty of relatives that have died and I wasn't informed about it or even about the funeral.

Hell, it isn't just deaths I'm not told about, I wasn't told about a niece that got a divorce a few years back and the lung cancer my little sister was taking chemo for that I got told about when I asked my daughter how everyone was doing in the Tulsa area as I don't get any news from anyone. But my little sister told me about the preacher that died who was a friend of hers and was the preacher at my moms funeral. I could end up being the last one alive in my family and not even know it. :bang: :bang:
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Re: When a relative dies?

Post by PCC »

It is called disfunctional families. It happens to the best of us.
In my situation it was my brother. The relatives would notify him since he was older and I assume they thought he would let the rest of us know. Well if he could not attend the funeral or such he would not let the rest of us know.
It sucked but the older family members would not believe he would deliberately do something like that so they still kept informing only him. :bonk:
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Re: When a relative dies?

Post by BlacktopTravelr »

Thanks PCC for the reply. My moms reason for not telling me was because she thought I didn't handle a death too well. It goes back to the death of an aunt and her funeral that I had to miss because of commitment I had made that I couldn't get out of. So she assumed I didn't want to go and from them on she never told me when a family member died. Hell she didn't even tell me when her brother died and she needed me to drive her to the Texas panhandle to see the body that no one came to claim so the state had him cremated. He was in the state pen at the time of death.

I just find it odd that I wouldn't be told of a loved ones passing and especially not in time to make it to the funeral. Not much I can do except keep in touch a little better. But I don't have any more aunts, uncles or any relatives that are close enough to care if I am told about their passing. :bonk: Most of the ones left alive I haven't heard from in decades. :(
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Re: When a relative dies?

Post by Tbeck »

It works both ways some time's. If you really want to know you have to make a point of asking more personal questions when you talk to family. Make a point of asking how this or that family member is doing.
Most people have vague conversations on the phone, probably because it is a true disconnect.

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Re: When a relative dies?

Post by BlacktopTravelr »

Tbeck wrote:It works both ways some time's. If you really want to know you have to make a point of asking more personal questions when you talk to family. Make a point of asking how this or that family member is doing.
Most people have vague conversations on the phone, probably because it is a true disconnect.
That would work ... if I talked to any of them on the phone. I guess the part that I don't really understand is that my little sister was pretty close to the cousin that I found out about on the internet last night. And jeez she died almost 4 years ago. :bang:
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Re: When a relative dies?

Post by Tbeck »

How time flies, eh? Maybe the question is why haven't you talked to someone you were close with in more than 4 year's?
That's not a diss. I am simply pointing out that we lose track of time and contact. I went back to the UK with the Mrs's 2 year's ago. It hadn't occurred to me that it had been 20 + year's since I last visited. Between making sure the kids and wife got over, it hadn't occurred to me that I hadn't been there in a long time. Life gets in our way sometimes.

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Re: When a relative dies?

Post by BlacktopTravelr »

It's just one of those things you put off and before you know it 10 yrs has gone by. Sorta like putting off for retirement and before you realize it your at retirement age and no money saved up. :bang:
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Re: When a relative dies?

Post by Tbeck »

BT, yep that's exactly what I was trying to say. Funny how time gets away from us as we deal with our daily trial's.
Sometimes even family concludes that information we'd like to know somehow isn't important to us, and as a result doesn't become a priority to pass on.
I think that the fix is to simply make a point of staying in touch. A letter, phone call, Skype, or whatever, BUT most important to keep the communication personal.
I could be completely off my rocker about this, but my mother inlaw said, "she didn't think she was going to see me again" when I was there two years ago. That struck a nerve with me. So it won't be another 20+ before I go visit.

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Re: When a relative dies?

Post by n-trude »

So John better have a reunion of some kind and contact them all. [emoji106]

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Re: When a relative dies?

Post by BlacktopTravelr »

n-trude wrote:So John better have a reunion of some kind and contact them all. [emoji106]
That is part of the problem, I didn't do the family reunions when we had them when I had the chance. I didn't see why I should go see them when they only wanted to see us every 5 or 10 years. No phone calls, no letters or anything. It's too late to worry about it now. :blink: [space] :XmasTree:

The really sad thing is I am the last male member in the family with the last name of Gray so when I die the name dies since I have no male heirs. :bang: I guess I need to find me a young wife and get busy trying to have a male heir. So I can name him Junior. :lolfall:
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