How people change...and don't...

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jeffcoslacker
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How people change...and don't...

Post by jeffcoslacker »

You know, on another thread I was just relating a memory of a hilarious event that I was present for, involving a very good friend of mine. Someone I've known since about 1990, when we were both in our early 20's and dumb as dogshit and still are, but perhaps a little wiser...we've both changed a lot in the years since, but no matter how long its been since we've seen each other, when we do, we pick up right where we left off, like none of that time in between existed. And despite all the major changes of lifestyles and interests, at the core, we seem to never lose the things that made us friends in the first place.

We both love motorcycles, and we had mutual friends and ran in similar circles, so it was inevitable that we'd end up meeting. Back then we enjoyed being the two rowdy party guys that were known for our nutty antics, me running barefoot through campfires when drunk, him putting his head through someone's drywall when drunk...you know, that kinda stuff. We partied hard and didn't give a fuck. We treated every day as if it were our last, and we were gonna enjoy the hell out of it. To hell with you if you didn't like it...

Then I met my (ex) wife, and she was kinda...well...let's say a bitch...in certain respects...I loved her very much and still do, as she does me, we just don't have the same vision for life anymore. In the beginning she really tried hard to put a damper on my craziness, but at the expense of keeping me from my friends. Some of you probably know this drill. So though this friend was actually my best man at the wedding, etc, things got strained and he stopped coming around and I stopped having fun, for the most part. I was willing to accept it as the cost of marriage, at the time.

Then he went through some really rough times. He had an appendix burst, and nearly died, because he was such a knothead and kept thinking he could just sleep it off...and that left him with serious medical bills...then not long after, he was diagnosed with testicular cancer...JFC...at like 25 years old? Wow. They removed the bad nut, a kidney, and some lymph nodes, figured they had a handle on it, which they did, but the radio or chemo therapy after (don't remember which) "killed" the remaining kidney, and they thought it might come back on line at some point, but for a couple of years he had to have dialysis at the hospital periodically, and use a home dialysis machine every night. That nixxed the drinking and partying, but he still rode when he felt up to it. Sometimes I'd even manage to sneak out for a ride, and we'd head off together, just the way we always rode, him leading in the right track, me on the left, trailing.

Our riding styles are very similar, to where we both feel like we're reading the others' mind, but he's always been the better rider, and I learned much from staying back there and copying what he was doing, right down to how he positioned himself on his bike as he shot corners so fast I thought we'd wreck, etc....he was always forcing me to get just a bit (WAY) outside of my comfort zone, but at the same time I knew he knew what he was doing, and I knew I could emulate it.

Then I got the news one day that he'd had a pretty bad wreck on the rigid Sporty, had simply failed to see a patch of driveway apron gravel and ate it, lowside, at a pretty good clip, body hit some things that busted him up internally a bit, and broke a few bones, and since he was already in kind of shaky health to begin with, the first responders had him air-evac'd out back to the hospital that he was being treated at. It was really a scary time. His brother and I went to go get the remains of his bike from impound, it took a beating but was salvageable. But like him, it was gonna take a lotta work.

I would go see him in the hospital after work...he was in low spirits, mainly because he'd wrecked the only thing that really meant anything to him...that bike....and he was SO angry with himself for crashing over such a stupid, rookie mistake. I brought up something that I'd seen some time before...I think it was the Air Force Thunderbirds, or maybe Navy Blue Angels, lost several pilots when the guy on point got disoriented and flew into the ground, and the guys on his wing flew right in with him, oblivious to the danger, just holding station on a wingtip with full confidence in the guy up front.

I said if I'd been with you, I woulda probably wadded right up with ya...because I never doubted your abilities, I do what you do when we ride. I guess he never really realized that before...he always thought I was just staying with him, not just keeping up best I could, sometimes in terror [emoji2] ...knowing that seemed to bring back a little of his confidence, lighten his mood a bit. EVERYBODY will have a moment. It's inevitable. Don't beat yourself up over it.

After he recovered from that, it was getting time that the docs decided that kidney was just not gonna re-fire, and they started talking transplant. Luckily his mother was a very strong match, and they went forward with it. During the very long recovery process, with it's ups and downs, I'd visit, bring him boobs and bikes mags to keep him busy, and just hang out.

One time I noticed he was keeping the mags in a drawer next to the bed, instead of out sprawled on the bed table as usual. You get to know someone this well, you pick up on little things like that. I prodded him a bit, I could tell there was something afoot that he wasn't ready to talk about yet...but he relented...his mom's church group was visiting him every few days, and he'd kinda hit it off with a gal named Lisa who was a single mom of a little girl, and very "churchy" and he didn't wanna offend her, if she were to pop in, as she had been. Hilariously, his reluctance to mention it was because he felt kind of embarassed that he'd met a "nice girl" and thought I'd just DESTROY him with kidding about it...but no, it made me realize, it might be just the thing for him. He had always been a bit of an unguided missile, gifted but far too crazy and undisciplined to make anything of it. Perhaps she sees something in him she can work with. I thought it was great news.

After full recovery from that ordeal, with his new used kidney, they were married. And it amazed me how quickly and seamlessly he transitioned from crazy biker trash to dedicated husband and father and even took over his father's window business, something his father always wanted but wasn't too sure he'd ever show interest in. He became a regular church-goer, but not "churchy"...at least not to me, although he may realize some things are just not gonna happen...LOL...

We kinda went on our separate ways, with our radically different married lives, only occasionally crossing paths or managing to find an afternoon in which we were both free of obligations, clear of spousal interferences, and go just hit some nameless road like the same two crazy 20-somethings we once were...tearing through the curves, him in the right track, me just off his left side, hanging back a few lengths, just tryin' to keep up...

I miss it. If for no other reason, I NEED to get a bike soon. First thing I'll do is ride up to STL, and take a ride with him. And I'm sure even though it's been years now since we talked, it will be just as it always has....

Tbeck
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Re: How people change...and don't...

Post by Tbeck »

I guess it's the old saying, "a tiger can't change it's stripes."
We tend to stay true to who we are, and that's a mix of life experiences. But more important to your story is you have a friend that helped and was there to shape your experience. True friends are a rare commodity.

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franktiregod
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Re: How people change...and don't...

Post by franktiregod »

Good story and very well written.

I have a friend like that. I have known him 30 years. We lose touch and then out of the blue we see each other and its like we never parted. He went through a bad spell with alcoholism, got divorced from his wife of 20 years, met another girl who was a nut, then got straight and met the wife he has now. He got sober, goes to church, and runs their version of AA.

He is a good man and as you said, doesnt get to churchy with me because I remember when we hung out as teens and he drove home with me passed out in the back of his car after we both drank and partied a little much.

I am proud of what he has become.

Good friends are priceless. I am glad you still have yours too. :cheers:

jeffcoslacker
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Re: How people change...and don't...

Post by jeffcoslacker »

His wife is just an amazing person, and while she's as straight as a school bus, she loves to hang off the back of a Hog™ [emoji2] ...they go everywhere together on whatever Harley he has at the time. They're the ones I wrote about before, that were on a trip out west on I-70 with the bike all packed up and a dipshit in a Camaro that had been passing traffic like a lunatic (some witnesses said 100 mph) tried to slow down and chop through traffic to exit, and ended up bumping their bike, he heard Lisa scream and felt the bike's rear step out to the right, looked back and she's got her foot on the car's hood, and her floorboard is actually INSIDE the wheel, getting chewed on until it snapped off :eek: ...he countersteered and kept it upright, and held onto it after breaking away...really good rider...I could not have pulled that off, I don't think...after the accident reports and the underwear changes ( [emoji2] ) Lisa had to ride the remaining way to Denver without a place to put her foot, so she just threw it in his lap.

Anyway, since finding some direction, he's been to South America several times, where their church helps out members of a "sister church" down there, where people are destitute, and they have built a school, collected enough money to get them a community well, and just did a lot of basic building upgrades and repairs, windows, weatherproofing, etc.

If you'd known him in his 20's, you'd say no way it's the same guy. But if you REALLY knew him, it doesn't surprise you... [emoji106]

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Re: How people change...and don't...

Post by franktiregod »

Wow!

I have another friend, mark, who is a completely different man than when we were in our 20's.

He used to drink, raise hell, and got arrested several times doing stupid crap. Now he is 50, a family man who loves to go camping, and moves like he is 80. You would NEVER dream of the stuff he used to do.

The parties at his house use to be awesome.

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Re: How people change...and don't...

Post by Designer »

jeffcoslacker wrote:His wife is just an amazing person, and while she's as straight as a school bus, she loves to hang off the back of a Hog™ [emoji2] ...they go everywhere together on whatever Harley he has at the time. They're the ones I wrote about before, that were on a trip out west on I-70 with the bike all packed up and a dipshit in a Camaro that had been passing traffic like a lunatic (some witnesses said 100 mph) tried to slow down and chop through traffic to exit, and ended up bumping their bike, he heard Lisa scream and felt the bike's rear step out to the right, looked back and she's got her foot on the car's hood, and her floorboard is actually INSIDE the wheel, getting chewed on until it snapped off :eek: ...he countersteered and kept it upright, and held onto it after breaking away...really good rider...I could not have pulled that off, I don't think...after the accident reports and the underwear changes ( [emoji2] ) Lisa had to ride the remaining way to Denver without a place to put her foot, so she just threw it in his lap.

Anyway, since finding some direction, he's been to South America several times, where their church helps out members of a "sister church" down there, where people are destitute, and they have built a school, collected enough money to get them a community well, and just did a lot of basic building upgrades and repairs, windows, weatherproofing, etc.

If you'd known him in his 20's, you'd say no way it's the same guy. But if you REALLY knew him, it doesn't surprise you... [emoji106]
Good for him! :clap: What a great story,...... thank you for posting it. [emoji106]

And it's really good that you still have him as a friend even though that the "Tiger" he once was has.... "Changed His Stripes"....so to speak. ;)
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Re: How people change...and don't...

Post by tabasco »

Yah, good stories.

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Re: How people change...and don't...

Post by RoadKing »

The greatest change in my life came when I accepted Jesus.
“Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more.
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury…
Signifying nothing”

Signifying monkey, stay up in your tree. Always lying and signifying, but you better not monkey with me.

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