Humor For Today or any other Day

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Suzuki Johnny
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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

Can cold water clean dishes?
This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean.
John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia.
After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?"
His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!"
For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"
Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!"
Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car".
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted .
"COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!!!!"
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

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Suzuki Johnny
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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

This married couple go to their family doctor for a medical check up.
The doctor sees the wife first, then comes in to see the husband in the next treatment room.
The doctor tells the husband, I have bad news and good news.
The bad news is your wife has VD.
The good news is that she didn't get it from you.
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

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Suzuki Johnny
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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

Once upon a time
There lived a king. The King had a
beautiful daughter, the Princess.

But the kingdom was a sad place.
There was no laughter, and no joy.
The problem was, that
everything the Princess touched would melt.
No matter what, metal, wood,
plastic...anthing she touched would melt!!

Because of this, men were afraid of her.
Nobody would dare marry her.
The king despaired.
What could he do to help his
beautiful daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians.

One wizard told the king, "If your
daughter touches one thing that
does not melt in her hands, she
will be cured."

The King was overjoyed. The next
day, he held a competition. Any man
who could bring his daughter an
object that would not melt at her
touch, would marry her and inherit
the King's wealth.
Three young princes took up the challenge.
The first Prince brought a very hard
alloy of titanium.
When the Princess touched it, it
melted. The Prince went away sadly.

The second Prince brought a huge
diamond, thinking that diamond is
the hardest substance in the world
and will not melt.
But, alas, once the Princess touched
it, it melted. He too went away disappointed.

The third Prince approached. He
told the Princess, "Put your hand
in my pocket and feel what is in there."
The Princess did as she was told,
though she turned red.
She felt something hard. She held
it in her hand...and it did not melt!!
The King was overjoyed!
Everybody in the kingdom was
overjoyed!

And the third Prince married the
Princess and the both lived
happily ever after.

The question is?!?!?!?
What WAS the object in the Prince's pocket???

They were M&M's, of course.
THEY melt in your MOUTH,
NOT in your HAND!!
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

What a morning...
>
>
>
> 8:00
> -- I made a snowman.
>
>
>
> 8:10
> -- A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a
> snow woman.
>
>
>
> 8:15
> -- So I made a snow woman as well.
>
>
>
> 8:17
> -- The nanny of the neighbors complained about the snow
> woman's voluptuous chest.
>
>
>
> 8:20
> --- The gay couple living nearby grumbled that it could
> have been two snowmen instead.
>
>
>
> 8:25
> -- The vegans at No. 12 complained about the carrot nose,
> as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures
> with.
>
>
>
> 8:28
> -- I am being called a racist because the snow couple is
> white.
>
>
>
> 8:31
> -- The Muslim gent across the road wants the snow woman to
> wear a headscarf.
>
>
>
> 8:35 -- A First
> Nations group stopped and said that the project had been
> built on what was once their traditional lands without their
> consultation and approval. They wanted an
> apology and compensation.
>
>
>
> 8:40
> -- Someone calls the cops who show up to see what’s going
> on.
>
>
>
> 8:42
> -- I am told that the broomstick of the snowman needs
> to be removed because it could be used as a deadly
> weapon. Things get worse after I mutter : "Yeah,
> if it's up your ass"
>
>
> 8:52
> --- My phone is seized and thoroughly checked while I
> am blindfolded and flown to the police station in a
> helicopter.
>
>
> 9:00
> --- I'm on the news as a suspected terrorist bent on
> stirring up trouble at this sensitive
> time.
>
>
> 9:10
> -- I am asked if I have any accomplices.
>
>
> 9:29
> -- ISIS just claimed responsibility.

>
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST
DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER
A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL.
THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND
WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, "GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO
BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED.
THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO
OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE."
THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN
GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.
AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, "YOU
KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!"
"DEAD?" SAYS HIS FRIEND, "WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?"
"WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME
I WAS LOVING HER."
HIS FRIEND SAYS, "I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH."
"A WITCH, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?"
"WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE
NECK AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED
AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW."
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a man.
The man said, " I want to have SEX with you right now!

I'll drop 500 dollars on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for you to pick it up I will do the deed and be on my way!"
The woman thought it over and told the man to wait a
minute. She called her girlfriend on her cell phone and
told her about the man's proposition.

Her girlfriend said " When he drops the $500 on the
ground I'm sure you can pick it up and run before he
gets his pants down. Call me back and tell me what
happened."

An hour and a half later the lady called her girlfriend
back. "What happened?" the girlfriend asked.

The lady said "That Son-Of-A-Gun had $500 in
quarters."
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

A man took his wife to the Rodeo and one of the exhibits is that of
breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign
that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife poked her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times
last year."

They walked a little further and saw another pen with a sign that said,
"This bull mated 120 times last year."

The wife hit her husband and said, "That's more than twice a week!
You could learn a lot from him."

They walked further and a third pen had a bull with a sign saying,
"This bull mated 365 times last year."

The wife got really excited and said, "That's once a day. You could
REALLY learn something from this one."

The husband looked at her and said, "Go up and ask him if it was with
the same cow."

The husband's condition has been reduced from critical to stable and
he should make a full recovery.
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

User avatar
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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

*An old physician, Doctor Gordon Geezer, became very bored in retirement
and decided to re-open a medical clinic.* **

*He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your
treatment for $500 - if not cured, get back $1,000."* **

*Doctor Digger Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn't know
beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get
$1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.* **

*Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you
please help me?"* **

*Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops
in Dr. Young's mouth."* **

*Dr. Young: 'Aaagh! -- This is Gasoline!"* **

*Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations!* **

*You've got your taste back. That will be $500.”* **

*Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to
recover his money.* **

*Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."* **

*Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops
in the patient's mouth."* **

*Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't -- that is Gasoline!"* **

*Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be
$500."* **

*Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after
several more days.* **

*Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything!"* **

*Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, "Here's your
$1000 back" (giving him a $10
bill).* **

*Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!"* **

*Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be
$500."* **

*Moral of story********-- Just because you're "young" doesn't mean that
you can outsmart an "old Geezer". Remember:********Don't make old
people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't
take much to piss us off.* **

*ENJOY YOUR DAY!!!***


*P.S. Written in large print for old Geezers.* **
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

> Two old guys, one 80 and one 87,
> were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.
>
> The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and
> wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed
> at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to
> have so much energy.
>
> The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day.
> It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great
> stamina with the ladies."
>
> So, on the way home the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As
> he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any
> help.
>
> He said "Do you have any Rye bread?"
>
> She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would
> you like some?"
>
> He said, "Yes, I want 5 loaves."
>
> She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves... By the time you get
> to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard!"
>
> He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows
> about this shit but me
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by JFL Live »

Suzuki Johnny wrote:
*Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be
$500."* **

I like this one... :lolfall:

Shared it at work since I'm the old one here... [emoji2]
_I"T"|[___|___]
[---T--L -OlllllllO-]
()_)"""()_)/"**")_)


You will ride eternal, shiny and chrome...

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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by HARRIS »

HE'S BACK !
Luck & Experience:
You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck

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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

>WILL THIS BE U ?
>
>
>Grandparents-
>1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes
>of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she
>applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma,
>you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put
>lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper
>good-bye....
>
>
>
>2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He
>asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a
>moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
>
>
>
>3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old
>slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the
>children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
>Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting
>them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the
>three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
>
>"Who was THAT?"
>
>
>
>4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own
>childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a
>tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked
>wild raspberries in the woods."
>
>The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I
>sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
>
>
>
>5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know
>how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how
>are we alike?' "You're both old," he replied.
>
>
>
>6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word
>processor. She told him she was writing a story.
>
>"What's it about?" he asked.
>
>"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
>
>
>
>7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I
>decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She
>would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At
> last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to
> figure out some of these colors yourself!"
>
>
>
>8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the
>lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still,
>a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy
>whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with
>flashlights."
>
>
>
>9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not
>sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to
>6."
>
>
>
>10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother,
>"Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother,
>more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting."
>she said. "How do you make babies?"
>
>"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add
>'es'."
>
>
>
>11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a
>teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."
>The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what
>pregnant means?" she asked.
>
>"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."
>
>
>
>12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day
>when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck
>was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
>
>"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.
>
>"No," said another. "He's just for good luck."
>
>A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she
>said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."
>
>
>
>13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she
>lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when
>we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."
>
>
>
>14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good good things,
>but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!
>
>
>
>15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and
>they blame their dog.
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

FEMALE PRAYER:
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.


MALE PRAYER:
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a
liquor store and a bass boat.
Amen
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Designer »

:funnylast: [space] See? That's why Men live happier,....... because they have simple needs. :lmao:

Now, I shall add something to this Fine Tome Of Humor:


After a relaxing bath, Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself naked in a mirror, remembering her time with Bill Clinton.

Her frustration over her inability to lose weight was depressing her.

In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for help...

"God, if you take away my love handles, I'll devote my life to you," she prayed.

And just like that, her ears fell off.




Touching story, don't you think. [emoji2]
Image

Time To Ride Country Two Laners. :ShitGrinandThumb:


CENSORSHIP IS WHAT TYRANTS RESORT TO WHEN THEIR LIES LOOSE THEIR POWER. :space: MORS TYRANNIS
Si vis pacem, para bellum!

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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by HARRIS »

SWEEET!
Luck & Experience:
You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck

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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

Boudreaux and Fontenot are walking down a street in Houston when and they see a sign on a store that reads, 'Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 per pair.'
Boudreaux says to his pal, 'Look here! We could buy a whole gob of these, take 'em back to Abbeville, sell 'em to our friends, and make a fortune. Now when we go in there you be quiet, okay? Just let me do the talkin' 'cause if they hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant, and try to cheat us. Now, I'll talk in a slow Texas drawl so's they don't know.'

They go in and Boudreaux says with his best fake Texas accent,'I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my pickup and ....'
The owner of the shop interrupts, 'Ya'll are from Louisiana, ain't you?'

'Well...yeah,' says a surprised Boudreaux. 'How come you know dat!'

'Because this is a dry-cleaners.'
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

User avatar
Suzuki Johnny
Joined a 1200cc Club
Posts: 32820
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:25 am
My Bike: 2020 Tri Glide Ultra Harley
Location: GODS COUNTRY

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

Best Patients




FIVE SURGEONS ARE DISCUSSING WHO MAKES
>
> THE BEST PATIENTS TO OPERATE ON.
>
>
> The first surgeon, says,
>
> "I like to see accountants on my operating table
>
> because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
>
>
>
> The second, responds,
>
> "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is
> color coded."
>
> The third surgeon, says,
>
> "No, I really think librarians are the best! Everything inside them is in
> alphabetical order."
>
> The fourth surgeon, chimes in:
>
> "You know, I like construction workers...
>
> Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'
>
> But the fifth surgeon, shut them all up when he said:
>
> 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
> There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine...
>
> Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable!
>
> Think this says it all, as to how I feel about politicians---
>
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

User avatar
Suzuki Johnny
Joined a 1200cc Club
Posts: 32820
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:25 am
My Bike: 2020 Tri Glide Ultra Harley
Location: GODS COUNTRY

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and
landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.

Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a
shinny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful women who asked, "Are
you okay?"

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to
die for...
"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car
to get a closer look.

She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that
nasty scrape on your head.”
"That's nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife will like me
doing that!

"Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any
more scrapes and then treat them properly."

Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and
weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of
cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better
but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse
exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen. "Stay for a while.

She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Still in the ditch with my Harley, I guess."
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

User avatar
Suzuki Johnny
Joined a 1200cc Club
Posts: 32820
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:25 am
My Bike: 2020 Tri Glide Ultra Harley
Location: GODS COUNTRY

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Larry says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, buy a her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this outrageous response from little Larry, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson.
"And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Larry's whore"
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

User avatar
Suzuki Johnny
Joined a 1200cc Club
Posts: 32820
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:25 am
My Bike: 2020 Tri Glide Ultra Harley
Location: GODS COUNTRY

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

Another busy night at all the British henge sites as staff work all night to move the stones forward by an hour. [emoji106]
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

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