Humor For Today or any other Day

Keep it civil
Post Reply
User avatar
Suzuki Johnny
Joined a 1200cc Club
Posts: 32820
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:25 am
My Bike: 2020 Tri Glide Ultra Harley
Location: GODS COUNTRY

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

After Making Love... The Italian says, "When I've a finished a makina da love withah my wife, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees,she floats inches above a da bed in ecstacy."
The Frenchman replies, "Zat is noting, when Ah've finished making ze love with ze wife, Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick za soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats 12 inches
above ze bed in pure ecstasy."
The redneck says, "That ain't nothing buddy. When I've
finished porkin the ole lady, I git out of bed, walk over to the winder and wipe my pecker on the curtains. She hits the freakin ceiling!"
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

User avatar
Suzuki Johnny
Joined a 1200cc Club
Posts: 32820
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:25 am
My Bike: 2020 Tri Glide Ultra Harley
Location: GODS COUNTRY

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.

'Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?'

The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said,

'Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?'

'I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with boobs like yours, she appears out of nowhere.'
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

User avatar
Suzuki Johnny
Joined a 1200cc Club
Posts: 32820
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:25 am
My Bike: 2020 Tri Glide Ultra Harley
Location: GODS COUNTRY

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

An Arab enters a taxi..........


Once he is seated he asks the cab driver to turn off the radio because he must not hear music as decreed by his religion and, in the time of the prophet, there was no music, especially Western music which is music of the infidels and certainly no radio ........


So the cab driver politely switches off the radio, stops the cab and opens the back door.


The Arab asks him: “What are you doing man?”


The cabby answers:“In the time of the prophet there were no taxis. So get out and wait for a f**king camel.”
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

User avatar
Suzuki Johnny
Joined a 1200cc Club
Posts: 32820
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:25 am
My Bike: 2020 Tri Glide Ultra Harley
Location: GODS COUNTRY

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

A Jewish woman goes to see her Rabbi and asks, “Yankele and Yosele are both in love with me, who will be the lucky one?'

The wise old Rabbi answers: " Yankele will marry you. Yosele will be the lucky one.


----------------------------------

My father says, "Marry a girl who has the same belief as the family." I said, "Dad, why would I marry a girl who thinks I'm a schmuck?"

---------------------------

Jewish Marriage advice "Don't marry a beautiful person. They may leave you. Of course, an ugly person may leave you too. But who cares?"


--------------------------------------------

Jewish proverb: "A Jewish wife will forgive and forget, but she'll never forget what she forgave."



Hillary and Chelsea was sitting around a table having the mother/daughter talk. Hillary asks, "You and this boy have been dating for several years, have you had sex?" Chelsea replies, "No. Not according to Dad."
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

User avatar
Suzuki Johnny
Joined a 1200cc Club
Posts: 32820
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:25 am
My Bike: 2020 Tri Glide Ultra Harley
Location: GODS COUNTRY

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

“Can I please ask everyone for a big favor? Those of you who are planning to place Christmas lights in your yards.. can you please avoid anything that is red, blue and flashing? Every time I drive, I think I’m being pulled over by the police and I instantly get panic attacks. I have to take my foot off the accelerator, toss my Crown Royal, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, and push my gun under my seat. It's just that it’s big drama and it’s been happening a LOT!
Thanks for your cooperation and understanding.
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

old time rider
Back on the Road
Posts: 3565
Joined: Tue Dec 09, 2014 5:07 pm
My Bike: 650Vstrom

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by old time rider »

:funnylast: :funnylast:

User avatar
Suzuki Johnny
Joined a 1200cc Club
Posts: 32820
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:25 am
My Bike: 2020 Tri Glide Ultra Harley
Location: GODS COUNTRY

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

Lifesavers
------------------------------------------------
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.

One old lady turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

The other replies, "Oh, sure I do."

The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"

The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."

After a few moments, the first old lady asks.

"Who drives you to the beach?"
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

User avatar
Suzuki Johnny
Joined a 1200cc Club
Posts: 32820
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:25 am
My Bike: 2020 Tri Glide Ultra Harley
Location: GODS COUNTRY

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new
> bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe.
>
> The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your
> robe."
>
> The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh,
> aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your
> picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I
can
> carry your beauty next to my heart forever".
>
> She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom
to
> shower.
> He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a
> robe?
> We are married now."
>
> At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me
get
> a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it
> enlarged!"
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

HARRIS
FLAT TIRE!
Posts: 3995
Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2016 12:59 am
My Bike: VS 800- HONDA VALKYRIE- MAGNA
Contact:

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by HARRIS »

SWEEET !
Luck & Experience:
You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck

User avatar
Suzuki Johnny
Joined a 1200cc Club
Posts: 32820
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:25 am
My Bike: 2020 Tri Glide Ultra Harley
Location: GODS COUNTRY

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

1- Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want,then when you see what the other fellow has,you wish you had ordered that.

2-At the cocktail party,one woman said to another "aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" the other replied"Yes, I am cuz I married the wrong man"

3-Before a man is married he is incomplete. Then when he is married he is finished.

4-Marriage is an institution in which a man losses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her Masters.

5-A little boy asked his father, "daddy,how much does it cost to get married?" and the father replied,"I don't know son " I am still paying for it".

6-Young son,"Is it true Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesnt know his wife untill he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in most countries son"

7-Then there was a man who said,"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late."

8-A happy marriage is a matter of give and take;the husband gives and the wife takes.

9-When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when ten-year married man looks happy we wonder why? Affair....?

10-Married life is very frustrating.In the first year the man speaks and the woman listens.in the second year the woman speaks and the man listens, In the third year,they speak and the neighbors listen.

11-After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband"you know, I was a fool when I married you," Husband replied" Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't noticed it".

12-A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified:"Wife wanted".The next day,he received hundreds of letters,which they all said the same thing,"YOU CAN HAVE MINE"

13-When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,you can be sure of one thing: either his wife is new or the car is new.

14-A woman was telling her friend,"It was I who made my husband a millionaire".
Friend asked: and what was he before you married him?The woman replied,"A multimillionaire".
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

User avatar
Suzuki Johnny
Joined a 1200cc Club
Posts: 32820
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:25 am
My Bike: 2020 Tri Glide Ultra Harley
Location: GODS COUNTRY

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

Short and sweet?

Drive By
My former boyfriend broke into my apartment last week. He didn’t take my TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels.
Sick bastard!

SEX
Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore ….. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.


Lance Armstrong
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France
races, whilst on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my frig’n bike.

The Agony of Aging
On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.
I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back".


SCAM
Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes". Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money!
Pass this on so others don't get scammed.


Pregnant Prostitute
Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?" The prostitute said, "if you ate a tin of beans would you know which
one made you fart?"

Easy Jet
Paddy calls Easy Jet to book a flight. The operator asks, "How many people are flying with you?" Paddy replies "How do I know! It's your plane!"

I hate all this terrorist business.
I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself "I'm going to take that".

I failed a Health and Safety course at the Senior Center today.
One of the questions was:
"In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?"
"F***ing' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.






Allah & the 72 virgins...
A suicide bomber died and went to Paradise, as foretold.

When he arrived there he said to Allah that he was ready to claim his
72 virgins, as promised. Out of curiosity he asked Allah why there
were so many virgins in heaven.
Allah regarded him for a moment, then replied, "Actually, the 72
virgins are here in heaven because people like you murdered them
before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So you're here to
service them. Since they're virgins, they're quite sexually ravenous and,
frankly, you'll be on constant, exhausting duty.
I shall banish you from Paradise should you fail!”

The bomber responded, "Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can
it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?

Allah replied, "Who told you they were women?"
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

Damumz
Scooter Enthusiast
Posts: 204
Joined: Sun Dec 21, 2014 4:07 am
My Bike: 2017 Road Glide Ultra

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Damumz »

Suzuki Johnny wrote: 13-When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,you can be sure of one thing: either his wife is new or the car is new.
Awhile ago at the mall I opened the car door for my wife. There was a couple getting into their vehicle next to ours at the same time. I heard the lady say "Why don't you open my door any more?" He said "Get your fat ass in the truck". They've obviously been married for awhile......

old time rider
Back on the Road
Posts: 3565
Joined: Tue Dec 09, 2014 5:07 pm
My Bike: 650Vstrom

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by old time rider »

They have HALL SEX in that as they meet each other in the hall they yell F**k you at each other!

User avatar
Suzuki Johnny
Joined a 1200cc Club
Posts: 32820
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:25 am
My Bike: 2020 Tri Glide Ultra Harley
Location: GODS COUNTRY

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to
See a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out!
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and
Neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently
Pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.
He said, "Honey, you were right." "All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

User avatar
Suzuki Johnny
Joined a 1200cc Club
Posts: 32820
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:25 am
My Bike: 2020 Tri Glide Ultra Harley
Location: GODS COUNTRY

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

HARRIS
FLAT TIRE!
Posts: 3995
Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2016 12:59 am
My Bike: VS 800- HONDA VALKYRIE- MAGNA
Contact:

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by HARRIS »

SWEEET !
Luck & Experience:
You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck

User avatar
Suzuki Johnny
Joined a 1200cc Club
Posts: 32820
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:25 am
My Bike: 2020 Tri Glide Ultra Harley
Location: GODS COUNTRY

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

The 5th Affair:
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man thought.
He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied,
"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."



The 6th Affair:
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to," his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

User avatar
Suzuki Johnny
Joined a 1200cc Club
Posts: 32820
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:25 am
My Bike: 2020 Tri Glide Ultra Harley
Location: GODS COUNTRY

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

The body builder takes off his shirt
and the blonde says,
"What a Great chest you have!'

He tells her,
'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.'
He takes off his pants and the blonde says,'
"What massive calves you have!'

The body builder tells her,
'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.'
He then removes his underwear and
the blonde goes running out of the
apartment screaming in fear.
The body builder puts his clothes
back on and chases after her.
He catches up to her and asks why
she ran out of the apartment like that.
The blonde replies,
'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite
after I saw how short the fuse was
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

User avatar
Suzuki Johnny
Joined a 1200cc Club
Posts: 32820
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:25 am
My Bike: 2020 Tri Glide Ultra Harley
Location: GODS COUNTRY

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

Information to Ponder

Counter Steering:
If you push the left bar, the bike goes left.
If you push the right bar, the bike goes right.
That is, unless you keep pushing the right bar all the way, then you will probably go left while the bike swaps ends.

Crashing:
Remember riding isn't inherently dangerous...crashing is.

The Sidelines:
It's always better to be on the sidelines wishing you were on the track than on the track wishing you were on the sidelines.

Fuel:
The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

The Rear Wheel:
The rear wheel is just a big fan used to keep the rider cool and his butt relaxed. If in doubt... watch. When it locks up or slides out you can actually see the rider start sweating and pucker marks are left on the seat.

Too Slow:
No one has ever hit something too slow.

Rides:
A 'good' ride is one you can walk away from.
A 'great' ride is one you can walk away from and use the bike again.

Getting Hit:
They can't hit you if you're not there.

Mistakes:
Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

Traction:
When traction is sparse, the probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of lean. Large angle of lean, small probability of survival and vice versa.

Your Brain:
Never let a motorcycle take you somewhere your brain didn't go five seconds earlier.

Fog:
Stay out of fog. The single red taillight you think is another rider ahead that you can catch, might be the red starboard light of a docked boat.

Parking:
Always try to keep the number of times you park the bike equal to the number of times you've ridden it.

Luck & Experience:
You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck

Mirrors:
If all you can see in your mirrors is the direction you were previously traveling intermingled with sparks, and all you can hear is commotion from the passenger riding pillion; things are not at all as they should be.

Other Objects:
In the ongoing battle between objects made of metal, rubber and plastic going dozens of miles per hour, and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. Same holds for cars, trucks, walls and most animals. Draws don't count.

Judgment:
Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, experience usually comes from bad judgment.

Going Forward:
It's always a good idea to keep the headlight end going forward as much as possible.

Looking:
Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

Laws:
Remember, gravity and centrifugal force are not just good ideas. They're laws not subject to repeal.
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

User avatar
Suzuki Johnny
Joined a 1200cc Club
Posts: 32820
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:25 am
My Bike: 2020 Tri Glide Ultra Harley
Location: GODS COUNTRY

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

OLD AGE DOES HAVE IT'S ADVANTAGES

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run -- anywhere.
4. People call at 9 PM (or 9 AM) and ask, 'Did I wake you?'
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 PM.
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge..
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance Is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

Post Reply