Humor For Today or any other Day

[Suzuki Johnny]

Last Saturday night, a routine police patrol was parked outside a bar in a small town in South Louisiana. After last call, the officer noticed an Old Cajun Dude leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed like an eternity, in which the OCD tried his keys on five different vehicles, he finally managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally, the OCD started the car, switched the wipers on and off (even though it was a fine, dry, summer night), flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other bar patrons' vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the Old Cajun Dude over and administered a Breathalyzer test. To the officer's amazement, the Breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the OCD had consumed any alcohol at all !!!

Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This Breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it officer," the proud Old Cajun Dude said. "Tonight I was appointed to be Da Designated Decoy."

[Suzuki Johnny]

THE $50 bill

It's a slow day in the town and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.

A tourist visiting the area drives through the town, stops at a hotel, and lays a $50 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night. As soon as he walks upstairs, the hotel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

(now... pay attention)

The butcher takes the $50 and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the $50 and heads off to pay his bill to his feed supplier.

The guy at the supplier takes the $50 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.

Now, the hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.

The hotel proprietor then places the $50 back on the counter so the traveller will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveller comes back down the stairs, stating that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $50 bill and leaves.

No one produced anything and no one earned anything!

However... the whole village now thinks that they are out of debt and there is a false atmosphere of optimism and glee!

And that, my friends, is how a government works!

[Suzuki Johnny]

Garage Door

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open.

His assistant walked up to him and said,
'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?'

The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up.

He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door'

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Jaguar parked in there?'

She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires.

[Suzuki Johnny]

A senior citizen

said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'


'Yep!'

'Do I know her?

'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'

[Suzuki Johnny]

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid.
It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
Twelve thirty..'

[Suzuki Johnny]

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

[Suzuki Johnny]

One more. . ..!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis'

[Herb]

I am sorry but, to me, this is hilarious...

https://potuspaper.com/mrtntgfbtwips/